Letter 27


I’ve decided that Shadow reminds me of my father. He’s a ranger and like my father he can track and hunt and so all of those things. It’s odd because appearance-wise there are obviously no similarities but mentality he is so similar it’s almost painful for me. He’s like a sentinel of protection. I mentioned this to him. I hope he took it okay. He said I was a good friend. I had to disagree. I’m very aware of my selfish nature. I crave love so much I would do almost anything for the affection and approval of others. It’s some of what motivates my actions so I don’t think it’s as kind as others think. 

I’ve begun to realize there are many types of father figures. Shadow is similar to my father Telon. You are completely opposite in many ways and yet just as important. Jadus’s uncle Tavish was sort of mix of the two. It’s very interesting. 

Actaeon got several of us high. I’m not happy. He asked me to find specific plants for him and I didn’t know why. I felt used. Of course I felt more foolish than anything that I didn’t know WHAT they could be used for. And no I’m not telling you which ones so don’t even ask.

He also showed us his face for the first time. Well, Flee and I anyway, everyone else was tripping hard. I was surprised. I’m not sure why I didn’t think he would be that attractive. I mean that sounds harsh but, never mind, I’m not going to go on about this with you. I know you wouldn’t want to hear it anyway. He shared more about himself. I won’t write it here because he didn’t give me permission but I now understand why he fought against going to the Necropolis initially. I also learned of the true nature of his relationship with the Oracle. It’s not love like I thought it was, which makes me blush even harder when I think about what I heard. Will I ever be free of that memory? I get it, don’t look into others’ business unless you are willing to find out uncomfortable things and then look them in the eye (or eye-slit of their helmet) the next day. 

You were right. As usual.