If you find this, please share my story.
Not much has happened. I need to get better about keeping track of my history here if anyone gets a chance to see it.
I can feel it. I can feel Yama getting closer. It makes my head spin, makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I see it at night all the time. But now I see it in my dreams. I have nightmares all the time. I scared the girl a few days ago. I scared the child, too. It’s getting to me. It’s getting to us all.
My mother was out there somewhere, out on the other side of the country. She tried calling me several times after we heard the announcement. They were treating her pretty bad in the home. She was always complaining about “those damn orderlies” or something the doctor told her during her recent checkup. I wanted to drive out there to be with her. She said no. She said I should come to this bunker. She was going to figure something out. What does that even mean, mom? You’re not a fighter.
What makes me feel awful is that I never really mourned her. I didn’t get the chance. I have been so caught up in my own survival that I forgot about hers. I thought about it a few days ago when I hurt my arm. I told the girl about it. She and the child cried with me. I cried for them, too. We all mourned. We didn’t get any work done that day.
This is my family. How strange is that? A girl I met a few weeks ago. A child we adopted on the side of the road. I care about them. Why? Why do I care about them? Is it because they’re all I have? Is it because there’s no one else? Do I care about them because I need someone to care about?
I need to write something good. I have plenty to write, too. It’s just hard sometimes. The good things from the last few days are as follows. First, I’m better now. My gunshot wound is going to make a cool scar soon. Second, we ran out of jars, but that means we are finished canning apples. Third, I almost exploded the bunker when we blew a fuse, but everything is working fine and our batteries are almost all charged. And fourth, we have a lot of supplies now.
I keep looking for that boy every day. The one I saw when the world first ended, almost a month ago. A month ago! That feels strange to write. He’s not here anymore, probably. But I can’t help it. I have to keep looking for him. I can’t save everyone. I know that. It’s just not possible. There’s not enough food yet. There’s enough water. But a fourth person?
We talked about it during a “family meeting” as the girl called it. She knows I want to find him. The child knows, too. We’re always on the lookout. He’s never there.
Yama is bright again. It’s close. So close. We’re not there yet, but we’re close to being prepared. Like I said, water isn’t a problem anymore. Food still is, but we’ve got a good handle on that as we collect things. Electricity will always be a problem, but we have a lot of batteries fully charged. We have a large collection of tools, medical supplies, entertainment, and the like. Enough to last a year.
We just need more time.