Day 20

If you find this, please share my story.

I have been useless. My side still hurts and crawling to the bunker like I did makes everything sore. The girl made me drink a lot of water and eat a lot of our food, and I feel bad about that. She had to leave the child with me while she went to the farmhouses and town for supplies. She came back safe each time.

I’m useless. The child cries all the time. I am so stupid. I blame him for the problems we’re having, but I know it’s not his fault. He would be dead if it wasn’t for me. Not me. If it wasn’t for her. She’s been the one to take care of him this past week. I’m taking up space.

This morning, I decided to fight it. I can’t be a useless lump on a cot. The world is ending. I’m not sitting in this stupid bed any longer while Yama gets closer and brighter each night. The girl was out for water again early in the morning, and the child went with her. I pulled myself out of bed to help. She said I needed more rest, but I was done with that.

I should have listened. Hindsight, right? I slipped and fell on my own damn knife. The wound isn’t bad. It just cut my arm up a bit. I shouldn’t have even had it out. I pulled out my knife like I was going to defend them if a raider showed up. What good am I in a fight? I can barely walk, much less hold a knife.

She patched me up. I thanked her. But I’m completely useless here.