Table of Contents
- The Skeletons
- The Story
In life, Froika the Dwarf was probably hefty – even for a dwarf! Despite being nothing but bones for the last hundred years, she still has the insatiable urge to eat. Food falls from her boney teeth through her ribcage, all the way down her pelvis and onto the arms. Sometimes her hunger gets the better of her and she impulsively jumps into dangerous situations without thinking, feeling gloomy if she is forced to retreat.
Probably the wisest of the skeletons, Alfredicus (Alfred, to his friends) is an elf skeleton who always thinks before he acts. He remembers much of his former life as a high elf scholar. Because of this, he still loves to read whenever possible, and can read and speak many languages. His brains (though he doesn’t have any) often keep the skeletons out of trouble.
Larkin was also an elf, but not of high scholastic aptitude like Alfred. Instead, Larkin loved to go on long hunting adventures with his friends. He favored the bow back when he was alive, and still prefers it as an undead monster. He is a warrior at heart and an excellent shot. Rather than wear full costumes like his skeleton companions, Larkin chooses to wear masks.
Chrom is a very intelligent skeleton, though he doesn’t show it. Perhaps he is shy? Or maybe he’s always deep in thought? Either way, Chrom provides a level head to the group when they are working. However, when it comes to battle, he’s often first in line. In a fight, Chrom becomes a terror to any who dare stand up to him and his twin scimitars.
Possibly the most clever and evil of the skeletons, Matila has a penchant for dismembering victims and toting their heads – but only if their hair is long enough to tie around her waist. She uses her collection of severed heads as a distraction to her enemies, allowing herself and her companions to quickly escape. She also often gets tasked with carrying the party’s bag.
The rest of the skeletons say that Rok is the dumbest of the skeletons, but Rok doesn’t mind. He makes up for it with brute strength and with the longsword that he acquired when meeting a very unfortunate paladin. Rok speaks very slowly and clumsily, but has a ravaging thirst for blood. He wears thick leather armor and wields a metal shield, ever ready for a fight.
Chapter 1: A Dead Easy Adventure
They all remember it. The say they were born. Or rather, unborn. They used to be adventurers, galavanting across the countryside, slaying dragons, helping people, and saving the villagers. But that’s all in the past. They died, some peacefully, some horribly. Whatever happened is gone, though. That’s all in the past. Because they came back as Skeletons, raised from the dead by the Gnome necromancer, Vos.
Vos lived in an old cathedral in the mountains and tasked his skeletons to watch over him. Such was their lot in unlife, and it was great! They didn’t have to brush their teeth anymore, they didn’t have to exercise, they didn’t have to moderate their drinking! But protecting Vos was especially boring because Vos never went anywhere! He just stayed in his cathedral for years and years, only going outside for a few moments to steal supplies from passersby.
But tonight, things were different. Fangrim, Vos’s oldest skeleton, is telling tales of his adventuring life and how he longs to go out and fight monsters again when Vos comes running into the cathedral, screaming, “Help me! Adventurers are after me!”
The skeletons spring into action. Chrom cleaves the Paladin down and Larkin shoots an arrow through the Wizard’s throat. Matilda lobs off the Wizard’s head and ties it to her belt. Froika goes back into the cathedral and starts eating (though she cannot really eat). Rok and Alfred help Vos back into the cathedral, whereupon he storms off into his room and slams the door.
Fangrim tells the skeletons that this was the most exciting moment of his unlife in years! He tells his comrades that he’s now too old to go on an adventure anymore, but they’re still somewhat young and can unlive their unlives to their unfullest! Fangrim tells the skeletons that there is a Living Dungeon just on the other side of the river that may have some special magical items that may help them defend Vos. Because, after all, if Vos dies… they all die.
Alfred likes the idea of sneaking off to do an adventure and bring back something to protect their master. He and Matilda knock on Vos’s door and trick him into thinking that the cathedral has a flea problem. While Vos is distracted (and burning down the cathedral), Alfred and Matilda sneak into Vos’s lair and find the Potions of Repair, used to repair their broken and splintered bones.
The skeletons arm themselves and set off while Fangrim helps Vos kill all the fleas.
Chapter 2: In Cold Blood
In the Dark Forest, the skeletons come upon the third adventurer of the party that attacked their master. The Cleric sees them coming and casts a spell of holy light, injuring each of them before Rok slices her to the ground. Now choosing to be sneakier, the skeletons continue in the woods until they see a campfire in the distance. A pair of traveling wagons, labeled “Madam Fantastica’s World of Disguises”, are camping for the night. Froika sees the campfire and notices the people are cooking various meats, soups, and vegetables, and dashes towards them. She finds herself utterly surrounded by the living, all of whom pick up their weapons and chase her into the woods.
Froika’s companions seize the opportunity to break into one of the wagons and pull out various disguises. Grabbing what they can, they retreat into the woods and meet up with Froika again. Froika dresses up as a butcher. Alfred is a red-shirted plumber with a thick moustache. Larkin wears a gargoyle mask. Chrom finds farmer’s clothes and a hat. Matilda wears the clothes of a grave digger. And Rok picks various disguises together, but just ends up looking like a hobo. The sounds of the caravan’s party are coming closer, and the skeletons test their disguises. The living are easily fooled and return to their camp. The skeletons flee.
After a short while, they come upon the river with a locked boathouse and a cabin with a few fishers inside. The fishermen are talking about the Arch Priest of West Haven and the “secret weapon” he has acquired that will allow him to conquer the countryside. The skeletons enter and stab-stab-stab, the fishermen are dead. One of them has the key that unlocks the boathouse. The skeletons get in the only boat and start rowing towards the other shore. They can see the lights coming from the Living Dungeon now.
Chapter 3: The Witching Hour
As they dock their boat, a living man in a guard’s uniform approaches them with a dog. He starts shooting crossbow bolts, but Larkin fires a shot and kills him. Matilda tries to befriend the dog, giving it one of Chrom’s bones as a treat. However, Froika was apparently hungry again and the dog was soon dead.
The skeletons found the road, a quaint dirt path that led towards the Living Dungeon. From here, they could see it better now. It was surrounded by a large wooden wall with guards stationed here and there. Beyond the walls were small edifices. In the center was what looked like another cathedral, similar to Vos’s but maybe cleaner. As the skeletons drew closer, they found themselves near a graveyard. A place of rest! This would be a great place to find some more bones to fix their injuries! They could find all sorts of items by digging up graves!
The skeletons had to dig quiety or rouse the suspicion on an undertaker and his grave-digging crew. They found a few magical swords and arrows, as well as bones to repair their own bodies. At one point, Alfred made a loud clanging sound with a shovel, and the undertaker sent his guards. The skeletons vanished, following the road again towards the Living Dungeon – what the living people called the Town of West Haven.
Guards were posted on the walls, and two more were at the front gates. Matilda had a great idea! She took the Wizard’s head and lobbed it up at the wall. The guards up there began to scream, “Oh no, it’s a head! What’s going on?!”
In the chaos, the skeletons were able to easily sneak into the Living Dungeon, with Matilda killing another guard to replace the head she just lost.
Chapter 4: Ghost Town
It’s late now. There are only a few living people in the streets, and the skeletons are blending in nicely with their disguises! They had found a lot of gold while digging up graves, and decided to visit a few stores to stock up on supplies before looking for the Arch Priest’s “secret weapon.” Froika and Matilda visited a general store called West Haven Supply. They found a Cloak of Invisibility for sale, but Matilda had a change of heart and decided to stab the saleswoman instead of pay. Her husband came out and fended them off, and the skeletons (now with a new Cloak of Invisibility) ran towards the cathedral at the top of the hill.
In the cathedral, Matilda used their new Cloak of Invisibility to sneak past the acolytes, while Rok followed after her. They both saw six priests going down a staircase. But when they had all descended, a large angelic statue slid over the staircase, blocking their path. Matilda approached it and it spoke to her,
“Perform the Ritual of Dark Chaos. Then, you may enter the Secret Sanctum of the Arch Priest.”
Eager to find the “secret weapon”, the skeletons slew the acolytes in the cathedral and looked around. Alfred found the words to the Song of Darkness in a hymnal. Chrom and Matilda each found a Drum of the Unholy near the choir stand. Larkin discovered the instructions for chanting based on the Words of Jonathan the Diminished. Rok found the ancient text of the Language of the Demons. And Froika found the figurine depicting the Ceremony of Souls, a strange ritual dance.
Before the statue, they each performed their parts. Alfred rapped “The West Haven State of Mind”. Chrom and Matilda provided the sick beat. Larkin yelled “What?”, “Yeah!”, and “Okay!” at opportune moments. Rok beatboxed like a boss. And Froika performed the illest dance ever seen.
And with that, the statue moved. The staircase appeared before them, descending into the Secret Sanctum of the Arch Priest.
Chapter 5: Over My Dead Body!
The skeletons are in a rather dark and damp dungeon now. Certainly this Arch Priest has provided them a horrifying dungeon that they must overcome if they are ever to find his “secret weapon”
They find the priests who entered earlier and quickly kill them, taking their weapons, gold, and spare body parts. In a chest, the skeletons find a new friend: a simple, nameless frog. A frog that Matilda definitely does not bite.
In the back room, they hear a voice in the darkness. “Hello? Who’s there?! Turn on the lights!”
But the voice is familiar! The skeletons, easily able to see in the dark, move forward and find a skeleton tied to a chair with a blindfold on his face. They recognize him immediately. It’s Ron! Ron was one of their best friends! He got bored of guarding Vos and finally took up Fangrim’s offer to go out on an adventure!
Ron tells them that he got caught by the Arch Priest, but managed to convince him that he was super powerful because he was able to pull off his own head and reattach it without pain. The Arch Priest thought Ron was a powerful, necromantic weapon. He kept Ron locked up under the cathedral, ready to release him to consume his enemies when the Arch Priest wanted to rule the countryside. But that was absurd, and the skeletons all knew it. Ron was a bit of whimp. How could he ever be a secret weapon?
While they talked about this and freed Ron, the Arch Priest and two red-robbed priests entered the room. They overheard the entire conversation and now knew that Ron was worthless to them. They began to cast powerful holy magic at the skeletons. The skeletons all banded together. Froika stabbed a priest to death. Alfred swung wife and, with Matilda’s help, severed the head of the other (and Matilda promptly collected the head as her next trophy). Rok took on the Arch Priest after the Arch Priest blasted Larkin apart. Chrom picked up Larkin’s head and threw it onto the Ach Priest. Larkin bit down hard and the Arch Priest bled out on the floor.
In the aftermath of the battle, the skeletons realized in horror: Ron had perished. The Arch Priest had killed him. In his last efforts to escape, the Arch Priest held up a magical staff and tried to activate its magic, but Larkin had killed him before he got the chance. The skeletons gathered themselves up and grabbed the staff, and fled. Outside the cathedral, they found Fangrim! He was covered entirely in blood and held a bloody axe.
“I was so jealous of your adventure, I had to get these old bones moving to come help you!”
The skeletons told Fangrim that they had found their old friend Ron. Fangrim was sad at the loss of Ron, but remembered that Ron had stolen a Rod of Teleportation from Vos before he ran away. The skeletons produced the rod and Fangrim activated it, teleporting all of them back to Vos’s cathedral.
At the Cathedral, the skeletons found only ruins. The entire structure was collapsing in flame. Vos, still casting fire magic at it, shouted, “Take that, fleas! You’ll never infest me again!” Fangrim calmed their master, and Vos saw his servants. “Wow, you all look terrible. Where did you all go?”
The skeletons explained their great adventure and Vos actually looked amused. He was glad they had fun, though he would have preferred that they stayed behind to help him fight against the Flea Menace. Since the cathedral was burning, the villagers of West Haven may finally take notice of him. Vos said that they were going to leave now and look for a newer, safer place to live. Hopefully one without so many fleas.